Finding Love During Lock Down? You might be under Lock down but your heart is not!
Hey my single people! How are you surviving the loneliness during this lock down? It certainly cannot be easy, but I come bearing good news, it’s not all bad trust me. What I’m I talking about?
Online dating! You can still be in pursuit of love after all. Apparently Tinder is seeing such a huge spark now and I’m sure this remains the same of a lot of other dating apps. This means you are not the only lonely one! Mean I know, I’m just joking. On a serious note though, never has there been a perfect time to test your dating skills and hopefully find love whilst you are still at it.
Hear it from a dating coach, a big part of dating from now will happen on line, so you my friend might as well get on with the times. I wasn’t surprised to hear of the increase in divorce application from China though, with people forced to face their emotions, fears and partners, there is a lot of issues that will force people to want out. Why I’m I telling you this? Don’t you see it? This means more single people and more singles particularly on the dating apps. Great news right? Hahaha
…So you’re probably asking where to start? What to look out for? What to say? I’ve got you. This isolation can trigger different things for different people but what I like is that it’s forcing the level of intimacy we could never get in a bar with loud music in the background, where you can barely hear each other. Instead, you get to have dates online, with people in their bedrooms or kitchen, giving you a real sense of who they are without all these distractions.
With people working from home and some not even working means conversations will be stripped to bare, the pressure to meet will also be off and people have to bring their real personality to the stage. Plus this is also a good thing for your pocket, connecting with people remotely can save you money, not paying for meals, dates, gift etc.
Now that you are feeling optimistic about this online dating, how do you know who to entertain and what to look out for?
Well first, do not limit yourself and don’t be exclusively chatting. Put yourself out there and get to know people, apparently people chat with an average of 5 people online. So you will get to know more people than you would have ordinarily plus you will get to choose who is for you with great comparison.
Here are some of the things to help you decide if someone likes you or not on line and if they are actually worth taking seriously:
- They give a great balance of positive and negative interaction. Let’s be realistic, no one is always positive 24hrs a day , so it’s expected that someone can have a bad day but generally you want to look out for someone who gives more positive interactions than negative.
- You want to look out for someone who is consistent. They must be consistent in making time to chat, in checking up, in what they say and how they treat you. If someone only chats with you every other 5 days during this lock down, then baby they are not invested in this.
- You want someone who asks you questions about yourself because this means that they are truly interested in getting to know you.
- You also want someone who opens up about themselves. Dating is two way game, no one should participate alone.
- Look out for the emotional connection over physical connections during this time. Besides, you can’t even get physical even if you wanted, unless you plan on breaking the law and possibly getting arrested?
How to make online dating fun?
This is certainly the time to get creative and use the internet to get you going. Here are some of my ideas:
- Order the same meals from the same place for home delivery, hopefully get them at the same time…this will feel like you are on a date together.
- Watch a movie together, Netflix party allows you to stream so use it and you can still see each other and talk.
- Video call to cook. Exercise or read together.
- Don’t forget phone calls, it will be very important build a strong attraction and connection during the lock down.
Now that you are feeling confident, go out there and get dating! Don’t be alone and miserable when you can be making friends all over the world while you are keeping safe at home.
Meeting or being with someone who is great, but who will never be great for you is something most of us can’t comprehend. So we make excuses for the red flags because we consider these people quality people, “she/he had a terrible childhood, so that’s why sometimes they treat me so bad”,” but he’s a good provider despite cheating on me, besides better the devil you know” these are some of the things we have forced ourselves to make sense, in the name of keeping a wrong relationship together. We have allowed ourselves to be half loved and still carry on like we don’t see we are not being loved the way we want or should be. We sacrifice ourselves to a point of putting up with crappy relationships, because addressing our unhappiness in relationships is the quickest way to lose anyone, and God forbid, we don’t want to lose even our dogs. (Pun intended).
So you sit there with a man who doesn’t love you, but you love him so it doesn’t matter. You will work at proving yourself to him till he loves you. You twist and turn yourself to something you are not, hoping he will find an angle that is worthy and lovable enough… but 7 years later he’s still not convinced , let alone ready to settled down. You have wasted so much time, but you have yourself to blame honey. Sounds cruel and rough but allow me to unpack this without being defensive, deal?
See a date is not just a date when you’re looking for love. A relationship is not just a relationship when you are looking for marriage. Excuses like:
- But he’s not a bad guy, so I will stay (4 years later you are with a guy u don’t love but settled for, a man you half want).
- Sex is great so I will ignore his bad behaviours (meanwhile back at the ranch you have nothing to say to each other outside of that. But you call him “ your Bae”)
- She’s a good home maker, so the fact that she’s disrespectful to me and my family is not so bad, etc.
These excuses don’t crack it if you get in relationships for a purpose and with a goal, they have no room. it’s only in relationships with no serious intentions
Red flags are never hidden, let’s not fool ourselves… they are as clear as daylight! We know when something isn’t right our partner’s behaviour, actions, we ignore all the uneasy feelings we have. Actions are your answers to all your questions in relationships, not words.
Why are you even planning a wedding in your head with someone that has red flags that flash with every smile and touch? Red flags don’t happen 7 years later into a relationship, they happen whilst you are still in the honeymoon phase, if only you cared to look and listen. Nothing will waste your time like ignored red flags until it’s too late. People end up engaged to red flags, sleeping with red flags, married to red flags, parenting with red flags and dying with red flags.
Red flags are not only for thugs and bitches funny enough… life is complex and two quality people can still waste each other’s time. The mentality of going along with the ride in relationship will only have you wasting your time and love. Don’t end up married and asking yourself questions like “how did I get here” .
Red flags can tell painful stories but they can also be a life line. It’s funny how we allow our intuition to be right about everything else but our relationships. We use our gut feelings to make business and life decisions but don’t trust it to make decisions about our relationships. Relationships are not perfect but you shouldn’t slowly die in them.
When you have to ask questions like do they still love me? Are they still attracted to me? Do they still care? Do they see me? Do they need me? Do they think about me… I suggest you sit with yourself and own the red flags and make a decision based on your true gut feel and intuition about what to do.
Be brave enough to allow yourself to see and feel the red flags. Most red flags can’t be changed to white flags, so don’t even try sneaking that trick!
You’re probably in the office stealing some time off to spoil yourself with this article, and so I’d best start here!
The chair you are sitting on, how many sleepless nights did you spend at it? Working on the right feel and look for presentations or proposals, drafts after drafts.
Aggressively putting in long hours of hard work and even at times sacrifice your life to be proactive, to land just that one client, and hit more sales or targets. Being the torrent and boardroom beast that is unapologetic about competition for better pay and position; sound like you, right?
So…we are generally familiar with the reality that attitude keeps you winning in business or at work but somehow, the same hasn’t been said and done for relationships.
As a dating coach, (some have even called me “the expert dating coach”) I can tell you that the hundreds of people I’ve spoken to and helped, have this one common problem- their attitude about themselves or others in relationships.
My question always is, why are we being such sissies and crybabies when it comes to our approach and demands in relationships?
Why we are so vague about what we want, expect, and are willing to give for relationships?
A lot of women I coach secretly desire a man to take care of them, especially financially but have never whispered it to their own shadows, after all, nobody wants to come across as a slay queen or blessee candidate… this is the same lady who is a definite goal chaser in the office by the way!
Why are you being apologetic about your true needs and desires? (Pause…Think!)
When will you stop the car, get off your bum and throw away the ‘back seat’ approach in the bedroom? Why can’t you tell him you love it when a man goes down on you?
Why don’t you tell him to hit it a bit harder? Or that you want to try that position you saw on a porn site?
What’s that, he doesn’t know you watch porn, you still haven’t told him?
I bet he also doesn’t know you also love sex, right?
Women are also sexual beings, the goddesses of pleasure, and that does not make them loose or sluts!
After all, how will your needs be met if you don’t say?
Maybe, a step back….before we even get our sexy lingerie off; did you wait to be chosen, do you still want to be chosen?
The wrong dating mentality demands you do extra things, that rarely make you happy just because you don’t believe you can attract a man with just the right attitude alone.
How low on earths’ entire standards are you planning to stay before you change your attitude about yourself and what you want?
Aren’t all these limitations, the source of why a lot of women live and maintain the mentality of worthless, lonely and depressed love lives?
There is no love rescue team squad that is coming to help your miserable dating life ladies.
Fortunately, you have to do this one alone, and it starts with changing your attitude!
The attitude about what you want and what your goals are will determine what you attract.
Discipline yourself; Tear away from believing what society says you should be.
You are a grown woman who knows what’s right and wrong. Don’t let anyone or thing refute that you are deserving of the experience you want from relationships.
Do away with being average to make a potential feel comfortable; it’s really that simple!
Stop pursuing relationships more than a potential man will do, only participate in a balanced dance of mutual chase, and master the art of giving is receiving, and no more.
Stop “forcing it” to be love; it may invite a few popping bottles and dates now and then, but when you start looking for love, it’s more than that; a great relationship will be beyond that.
Any woman can get dick, any woman can score bottles, a few months of attention and even a fake (bum…of course I mean ass) relationship; are those your entry requirements? I’m sure you are above that, above average… #KnowYour Worth Gurl!
More and more women are out to get what they want, are you happy there in your lil’ corner settling for the crumbs falling off their table?
What is it about you that even allows a man to think, “It’s okay not give her time, pleasure and even money?…Or even space in his filthy closet?
If you are in your late twenties and you still can’t tell a man what is it that you want …what does the future like?
If you are in your late twenties and you are still faking orgasms, what exactly are you hoping for?
You still can’t bring yourself to asking for help when help is needed, but your legs flicker and open no questions asked when he wants to Phola; what exactly are you saying?
And that time….you can’t even look at him, I mean in the eyes and ask where all this is going, and what he really wants…tell me, what does the future look like?
Why are a lot of women divorced from reality?
You are not getting any younger; it honestly serves no justice to your dating life by keeping a mediocre attitude. It’s time for an upgrade!
Do you care about how a man who treats you like that thinks about you?
In King James English, Why givest thou a rats bum about a man who doesn’t ask you about your life njhe; has he asked if you are happy, where you want to go, if you came/cum or even a thank you for the delicious food you cooked for him?
Where is thine head child?
Not checking your bank account doesn’t change the fact that you’re broke. Refusing to admit your frustration doesn’t end the frustration, not checking the attitude that hurts your dating life will only waste your valuable time.
Even more plainly, You don’t solve your problems by pretending you don’t have them.
It’s 2017, the end of it at that!
We are living in a world tailor-made for the strongest women to succeed, and the rest of them are intentionally kept in their little corners of weakest places.
The whips come from a place of love, a once shared struggle of trying to have a fruitful relationship.
No more quick fixes. No more running from the problems, after all…not facing them only makes matters worse.
To become a woman means truly knowing her worthy. That is the key to good things finally happening to her. Worthy of acceptance, of warmth, being desired, being cared and taken care of, being known, Appreciated, loved and GREAT…GREAT orgasmic sex.
This is the honorable goal, one on which your future happiness solely depends.
Whisper to your shadow, heck shout it out…I am unapologetically confident and sure about my needs and desires!