Meeting or being with someone who is great, but who will never be great for you is something most of us can’t comprehend. So we make excuses for the red flags because we consider these people quality people, “she/he had a terrible childhood, so that’s why sometimes they treat me so bad”,” but he’s a good provider despite cheating on me, besides better the devil you know” these are some of the things we have forced ourselves to make sense, in the name of keeping a wrong relationship together. We have allowed ourselves to be half loved and still carry on like we don’t see we are not being loved the way we want or should be. We sacrifice ourselves to a point of putting up with crappy relationships, because addressing our unhappiness in relationships is the quickest way to lose anyone, and God forbid, we don’t want to lose even our dogs. (Pun intended).
So you sit there with a man who doesn’t love you, but you love him so it doesn’t matter. You will work at proving yourself to him till he loves you. You twist and turn yourself to something you are not, hoping he will find an angle that is worthy and lovable enough… but 7 years later he’s still not convinced , let alone ready to settled down. You have wasted so much time, but you have yourself to blame honey. Sounds cruel and rough but allow me to unpack this without being defensive, deal?
See a date is not just a date when you’re looking for love. A relationship is not just a relationship when you are looking for marriage. Excuses like:
- But he’s not a bad guy, so I will stay (4 years later you are with a guy u don’t love but settled for, a man you half want).
- Sex is great so I will ignore his bad behaviours (meanwhile back at the ranch you have nothing to say to each other outside of that. But you call him “ your Bae”)
- She’s a good home maker, so the fact that she’s disrespectful to me and my family is not so bad, etc.
These excuses don’t crack it if you get in relationships for a purpose and with a goal, they have no room. it’s only in relationships with no serious intentions
Red flags are never hidden, let’s not fool ourselves… they are as clear as daylight! We know when something isn’t right our partner’s behaviour, actions, we ignore all the uneasy feelings we have. Actions are your answers to all your questions in relationships, not words.
Why are you even planning a wedding in your head with someone that has red flags that flash with every smile and touch? Red flags don’t happen 7 years later into a relationship, they happen whilst you are still in the honeymoon phase, if only you cared to look and listen. Nothing will waste your time like ignored red flags until it’s too late. People end up engaged to red flags, sleeping with red flags, married to red flags, parenting with red flags and dying with red flags.
Red flags are not only for thugs and bitches funny enough… life is complex and two quality people can still waste each other’s time. The mentality of going along with the ride in relationship will only have you wasting your time and love. Don’t end up married and asking yourself questions like “how did I get here” .
Red flags can tell painful stories but they can also be a life line. It’s funny how we allow our intuition to be right about everything else but our relationships. We use our gut feelings to make business and life decisions but don’t trust it to make decisions about our relationships. Relationships are not perfect but you shouldn’t slowly die in them.
When you have to ask questions like do they still love me? Are they still attracted to me? Do they still care? Do they see me? Do they need me? Do they think about me… I suggest you sit with yourself and own the red flags and make a decision based on your true gut feel and intuition about what to do.
Be brave enough to allow yourself to see and feel the red flags. Most red flags can’t be changed to white flags, so don’t even try sneaking that trick!
#SocialnDatingCoach
#CoachKB
You’re probably in the office stealing some time off to spoil yourself with this article, and so I’d best start here!
The chair you are sitting on, how many sleepless nights did you spend at it? Working on the right feel and look for presentations or proposals, drafts after drafts.
Aggressively putting in long hours of hard work and even at times sacrifice your life to be proactive, to land just that one client, and hit more sales or targets. Being the torrent and boardroom beast that is unapologetic about competition for better pay and position; sound like you, right?
So…we are generally familiar with the reality that attitude keeps you winning in business or at work but somehow, the same hasn’t been said and done for relationships.
As a dating coach, (some have even called me “the expert dating coach”) I can tell you that the hundreds of people I’ve spoken to and helped, have this one common problem- their attitude about themselves or others in relationships.
My question always is, why are we being such sissies and crybabies when it comes to our approach and demands in relationships?
Why we are so vague about what we want, expect, and are willing to give for relationships?
A lot of women I coach secretly desire a man to take care of them, especially financially but have never whispered it to their own shadows, after all, nobody wants to come across as a slay queen or blessee candidate… this is the same lady who is a definite goal chaser in the office by the way!
Why are you being apologetic about your true needs and desires? (Pause…Think!)
When will you stop the car, get off your bum and throw away the ‘back seat’ approach in the bedroom? Why can’t you tell him you love it when a man goes down on you?
Why don’t you tell him to hit it a bit harder? Or that you want to try that position you saw on a porn site?
What’s that, he doesn’t know you watch porn, you still haven’t told him?
I bet he also doesn’t know you also love sex, right?
Women are also sexual beings, the goddesses of pleasure, and that does not make them loose or sluts!
After all, how will your needs be met if you don’t say?
Maybe, a step back….before we even get our sexy lingerie off; did you wait to be chosen, do you still want to be chosen?
The wrong dating mentality demands you do extra things, that rarely make you happy just because you don’t believe you can attract a man with just the right attitude alone.
How low on earths’ entire standards are you planning to stay before you change your attitude about yourself and what you want?
Aren’t all these limitations, the source of why a lot of women live and maintain the mentality of worthless, lonely and depressed love lives?
There is no love rescue team squad that is coming to help your miserable dating life ladies.
Fortunately, you have to do this one alone, and it starts with changing your attitude!
The attitude about what you want and what your goals are will determine what you attract.
Discipline yourself; Tear away from believing what society says you should be.
You are a grown woman who knows what’s right and wrong. Don’t let anyone or thing refute that you are deserving of the experience you want from relationships.
Do away with being average to make a potential feel comfortable; it’s really that simple!
Stop pursuing relationships more than a potential man will do, only participate in a balanced dance of mutual chase, and master the art of giving is receiving, and no more.
Stop “forcing it” to be love; it may invite a few popping bottles and dates now and then, but when you start looking for love, it’s more than that; a great relationship will be beyond that.
Any woman can get dick, any woman can score bottles, a few months of attention and even a fake (bum…of course I mean ass) relationship; are those your entry requirements? I’m sure you are above that, above average… #KnowYour Worth Gurl!
More and more women are out to get what they want, are you happy there in your lil’ corner settling for the crumbs falling off their table?
What is it about you that even allows a man to think, “It’s okay not give her time, pleasure and even money?…Or even space in his filthy closet?
If you are in your late twenties and you still can’t tell a man what is it that you want …what does the future like?
If you are in your late twenties and you are still faking orgasms, what exactly are you hoping for?
You still can’t bring yourself to asking for help when help is needed, but your legs flicker and open no questions asked when he wants to Phola; what exactly are you saying?
And that time….you can’t even look at him, I mean in the eyes and ask where all this is going, and what he really wants…tell me, what does the future look like?
Why are a lot of women divorced from reality?
You are not getting any younger; it honestly serves no justice to your dating life by keeping a mediocre attitude. It’s time for an upgrade!
Do you care about how a man who treats you like that thinks about you?
In King James English, Why givest thou a rats bum about a man who doesn’t ask you about your life njhe; has he asked if you are happy, where you want to go, if you came/cum or even a thank you for the delicious food you cooked for him?
Where is thine head child?
Not checking your bank account doesn’t change the fact that you’re broke. Refusing to admit your frustration doesn’t end the frustration, not checking the attitude that hurts your dating life will only waste your valuable time.
Even more plainly, You don’t solve your problems by pretending you don’t have them.
It’s 2017, the end of it at that!
We are living in a world tailor-made for the strongest women to succeed, and the rest of them are intentionally kept in their little corners of weakest places.
The whips come from a place of love, a once shared struggle of trying to have a fruitful relationship.
No more quick fixes. No more running from the problems, after all…not facing them only makes matters worse.
To become a woman means truly knowing her worthy. That is the key to good things finally happening to her. Worthy of acceptance, of warmth, being desired, being cared and taken care of, being known, Appreciated, loved and GREAT…GREAT orgasmic sex.
This is the honorable goal, one on which your future happiness solely depends.
Whisper to your shadow, heck shout it out…I am unapologetically confident and sure about my needs and desires!
Whether you are currently dating or not, this is one skill you will need at some point in your life. This goes beyond knowing how to wow a potential lover or a potential client, this is an essential social skill it seems. You do need to sell yourself at one point or another to someone. I am a Social and Dating Coach, over and above teaching you the dating Do’s and Dont’s of a relationship, I teach people how to navigate any social dynamics or environments. It’s amazing how we think we don’t need these skills until you are caught at a work function where you need to strike a conversation with a CEO or a potential client and you don’t know what to say. Better yet, you are sitting next to a pretty lady and you can’t even bring yourself to say a word. This can really get uncomfortable and awkward, right?
Working a room and striking up conversation
How is it that someone else can do this with ease and you can’t? We all know at least one person that is able to work any room, easily strike a conversation with anyone and leave an unforgettable impression. No, it has nothing to do with their looks or dress code but it’s got everything to do with how you make those you talk with feel about themselves! People want to feel important but also understood. A person who has learned these two essential skills can win any person over.
I have three magic sequenced questions that have helped me leave quite an impression with anyone I interact with.
Step 1 – Be brave, smile, relax, ask
Everyone is nervous about talking to someone new, so be brave, give a smile, relax your body and ask a stranger about their current location. The reason you ask about the location/observation is that it forces them to be present, ask what they think of this place? or if they have been here before? As they are telling you this, pay attention to the words used with emphasis… someone might say, “I don’t like these kinds of places, I’m an outdoor kind of a person” – for example. From this response alone, you can tell, (1)They are not comfortable as well, (2)They have a passion that goes hand in hand with outdoors and (3) Your follow up question should be to establish that passion. Get it?
Step 2 – Focus on their passion
Ask about their passion/ How they spend most of their time. Notice that I didn’t say ask about their career? It’s rude to ask a person what they do the first time you meet them, ask this once you have established some sort of a base or relationship. But the good news is that you can guess what they do just from their answer. The answer might be something like this “ I spend most of my time entertaining clients on a golf course and getting fit while hiking” From this, you can establish they deal with sales of some sort, people who play golf are usually associated with being in a certain calibre so it could be high profiled individual with great investment potentials. Staying fit and healthy is important to this person. This has given you a clear direction of stories to talk about and questions to ask next, to bond with this person.The longer they talk here, the better you look.
Step 3 – Past experiences
Ask them about their past experiences… take them back, make them re-live an experience with you. You could ask, “I’m so terrible at golf, tell me about the first time you played, what was your experience like“? by now you have just worn them over.
Show genuine interest
You will appear interested, interesting and socially acceptable. Why? Because we remember people who are interested in us and people who remember details about us. People who let us talk and listen with great enthusiasm, make us feel valued and understood.
Notice how you could get an entire story from just 3 questions? and the nice part is …you didn’t do all the talking, in fact, you barely spoke. All you did was plug up the courage to initiate a conversation with a stranger.
So, you still don’t think Dating &Social skills are not important?
