Ever heard of the saying, “age is a ticking-time bomb?” Well, I did, and it gave me a quite the fright! It actually seemed that the older I got, the more “natural” it felt to be desperate for a relationship and with the clocks ticking and the wrinkles rushing to catch-up, a go-getter like me wasn’t going to let time get the best of her!
I had a full-time job and an up and about daughter who did her best to keep me on my toes; I knew from day one, I had to be relentless. This was my mission, “28 and single” was about to bite the dust!
The old rugged routine of spending my evenings in bed alone, binging on series while sipping on red wine, (yes…I used to do that too), was long gone! Behold the new had come, and it was called going out to four dates a week!I was on a mission to find love and coincidentally, it just so happened that the fastest way to get something done correctly, was to practice it as many a time as possible, right?
With all this new excitement, I had also discovered my very own “mystic powers”. These enchanting ways made men hail the Queen I always knew deep within, many couldn’t help but fall in love with her royal 28-year-old, Makabelo Motaung.
Life and I were phenomenally exhilarating, me being lady everyone wanted to take on dates, or rather…multi-dates and life being the wingman that made sure it happened. It wasn’t too long before I discovered that in the midst of my BCQ, (Bae Chasing Quest, for all the new bes’), I had stumbled across the long lost treasure, the art of dating.
I knew which places to go, what to wear, how to sound and even how to leave them feeling like they’d just been on a date with destiny herself! I had found “that thing” and now, I owned it!How did I do it? Four a week? How did I find men who still took women out on dates?What is that, you’re asking if I slept with any of my dates, right?
Not at all, alright, alright…maybe just one or two; but that’s not what I’m talking about here, is it?Remember, I’d become great at this, I knew the do’s and don’ts so well; I am still convinced that’s when I got my CoachKB corner office somewhere in the dating cosmos, with the title“ Dating Exec”….at the door.
What couldn’t I get, how far could I take it? The dating addict had been born, it was more than just a game; this was the ultimate new hobby.
Remember the desperation point, the “I should be married by now and time is running out” position?What had happened from binging on series, sipping away dry red wine alone in bed, to a minimum of four dates a week? Where these four dates my happily ever after?The “28 and unmarried” position wasn’t going to get the best of me; the mission was love and nothing…not even the “ticking-time bomb” would stop me.
The “28 and unmarried” position wasn’t going to get the best of me; the mission was love and nothing…not even the “ticking-time bomb” would stop me.What had happened?
I came home one afternoon and almost instantaneously, my house became a dating library. I read piles on piles of the right books, watched enormous amounts of videos, even YOUTUBE clips at some stage; there wasn’t a search engine that didn’t know the heart aching position I’d found myself in, the one I desperately wanted to get out. The position of being 28 and unmarried.
So much work…was it really worth it?Honestly, it was tiring at first, but you can only imagine how enthralling it was when the hours paid back in great opportunities, conversations and even the finest of drink and cuisine.
I had finally mastered the art of dating!My celebration
My celebration was short lived as the haze of a new thought dawned on me; something was missing. Yes, the multi-dating had worked. I was in relationships, yet none of them satisfied me, I remained busy, but nothing intrigued the slightest thought of committing!
How was it possible that despite the various potentials I meet every week, I still didn’t have my ideal mate; where was he, that very one I wanted to settle with?Makabelo Motaung had to go back to the drawing board, this time to perfect the finesse of her dating craft. I knew I was close when I realised where I had dropped the ball. The fatal mistake that seemed so simple, yet delicate to the core. My pristine art of dating got them hooked, lined up and sinking to my every whim, but what to do with them after, that was the one element all the “expert dating material” had left out.
I threw myself onto the couch in utter shock, surprised why I hadn’t thought of it before….How could I have been dating with no explicit goal?This was a little beyond the chase for companionship and the price of a 12cr. diamond ring.
This one goal yearned for more than exquisite dates. Like a precious pearl in an oyster it had sought after my patience, a plea for her beauty to unfold. I could not hear of such, and neither could my clock; I was 28 and at that age, no one has time for such after all.
All that was needed was a sparkling diamond to deliver me from my drenched position!
One faithful day, the ring came through and it brought with it the “it guy”. It was literally two months after a few dates with him… but even then, I was certain this wasn’t the one that I wanted.
- What exactly did I want? Did I even know? Friends didn’t care, all they wanted to know is how I did it; how I’d become the Shero (heroine) in so many women’s eyes? The girl who went on exotic, mind blowing, taste-bud scattering dates, got the “perfect guy” to marry her in just under two months!
Everyone wanted a piece of that record breaking formula!I had learned that dating went beyond searching for a meaningful relationship, it had helped me figure out my own issues; that for me has been the biggest take out.
Do we assume to know what a healthy relationship looks like, how to get one, what it takes, or someone to get us there?
I have since then learned of a supreme importance, “know how to date and not only that but how to date healthy”. If we struggle on a day to day basis to create the relationships and dating experience we want, how then do we carelessly throw ourselves into the deep end, and expecting ourselves and partners to wing it?
Where does one begin, is there a right partner or perhaps a left one; this poor skill set can cost us a future or leave us with more divorce certificates than our own academic qualifications.
I knew my fault; I was dating with no goal or idea of what I was genuinely looking for, what is yours? Hard as it is to bear, there is no amount of therapy worth a horrid partner choice and so, it is paramount that we acquire skills on getting this important aspect of our lives right from the onset.
Fast forward to about three years and a bit, I didn’t accept any of the many rings that came my way,(there is a happy ever after, wait for it)…dating stopped being a hobby; I become an elite personal trainer for daters!
I now help design social lifestyles, immensely boost people’s confidence, and I can say that there is nothing more rewarding than seeing the great leaps of success in their daily romantic and interactive endeavors!
I am Makabelo Motaung your dating Coach, and I have mastered the necessary skills and techniques to ensure life-changing experiences on your companionship journey!
From a dating addict to a dating coach, pretty cool huh?
Welcome to Life. Growth. Love-welcome to CoachKB !!